Confounded
by hipturtle15
Summary: After his loss, Dr. Spencer Reid doesn't know what to do with his life anymore. When he leaves the BAU team a note saying he's running away from his old life, there's only one person he'll turn to. One-shot.


**Hey ya'll! Sorry I haven't updated 'Hidding from Reality' in a while. I'm taking a small break from it because I'm writing something for this writing contest in my state! :D and it'll be my first so it has to be good. Wish me luck! **

**Anyway, I wanted to write this because I would've loved to see this in the show after the dramatic episode, 'Zugzwang' so I decided to write it. **

**Enjoy and please review! **

**Confounded**

Dr. Spencer Reid sighed as he pulled up near his destination. He parked his car to the side of the road and took a good long look at himself in the review mirror. He fixed a strand of his brown hair that was in his face and looked at his chocolate eyes again. Here he was. He looked over at the house he had parked next to. It was a small log cabin in front of an empty road, behind the house was a large river. The light breeze in the air made the water sway gently, causing the atmosphere to sound more peaceful. Reid noticed a puff of smoke come out of the wooden chimney and float into the cloudless sky, meaning his old friend was home. He grabbed his scarf and wrapped it around his neck for the air was bitter.

Spencer climbed out of his car and walked to the log cabin.

()()()()()()()

Derek Morgan stepped out of the BAU elevator door and walked over to the glass doors and to his office. But before he could even get to his office door, he noticed his team standing in a circle and staring down at something with concerned faces. Morgan walked over to the team instantly, knowing something was wrong. He stood between his bosses, Aaron Hotchner and David Rossi.

"Hotch, what's going on?" he asked. He stared into his boss's eyes, they weren't meeting with his, which started to make him panic. He looked down and noticed Hotch was holding a piece of paper. He looked over at Rossi, hoping he would answer for him.

"It's Reid. We're afraid he's run away," he said. Morgan was taken aback.

"What?" he asked. Hotch handed him the piece of paper and patted his shoulder. Morgan read the paper carefully.

_Dearest Friends, _

_I have no idea if I'm cut out for this anymore. _

_I know you were expecting me to come back_

_to work today but I guess I wasn't ready_

_like I thought I was. _

_After Maeve died something changed me._

_I'm taking off and I have no idea for how long,_

_but I promise I'll be back. I just need to clear my head. _

_Spencer_

He looked up at everybody, who had the same sad face as him. Why would he do that? Reid could've just told them he wasn't ready to come back. He could've reached out. Why would he just run away?

"Do you think we'll ever see him again?" JJ's soft voice pulled Morgan away from his thoughts.

"Of course we will, he promised us he'll be back. We're just not sure when," Rossi said.

"That's just not like him, though," Morgan said.

"Dramatic ordeals can change a person," Blake said. Morgan sighed and set the note down. He looked up at Penelope Garcia, who put up a brave face so her friend's couldn't see her cry. She stood up straighter and marched to her computer office, hiding her face. Morgan ran after her.

"Penelope," he called. His babygirl didn't respond, she began to walk faster in her pink heals and was about to shut her door. Morgan picked up his feet and caught the door before she could lock it. He followed her into the office.

"Derek I don't want to talk right now," Garcia said after wiping a tear that rolled down her rosy cheeks.

"You don't have to. I'll do the talking, okay?" Morgan said gently. Garcia crossed her arms and turned around; she marched to her thrown among her many computer screens and huffed away the tears.

"Something's going on with you. You're not the Garcia I know who shuts people out when she's upset. You're normally the girl who would want some company. What happened to my babygirl?" he continued. He walked over and set his hands on her shoulders to comfort her. Garcia sighed and set her hand on one of his.

"Don't tell the others. I think I know where he is," she said, her voice was trembling from holding back her tears.

"You mean, Reid? Where?" Morgan asked. Garcia stood up and paced the floor.

"I promised that I wouldn't tell," she wined. Morgan set his hands on her arms to stop her from the pacing.

"Whoa, calm your jets, beautiful. You mean you promised Reid? Did you know he was leaving?" He asked. Garcia shook her head.

"No, it's just-I-I-oh I wish I could tell!" she said vexingly and stomped her foot. Morgan didn't let go of her shoulders.

"I promise I won't tell, Garcia. Please, you know you can tell me anything," Morgan said. Garcia sighed and set her head on his shoulder, Derek wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back. "Go on, babygirl," he encouraged.

"Gideon," she mumbled. Morgan tensed at the name.

"What?" he asked.

"I shouldn't have helped him," Garcia continued on.

"Whoa now, start from the beginning."

"Remember when Gideon left Reid with that note? A couple days later, Reid and I seemed to be the most upset about Gideon...so we kind of tracked him down," Penelope trailed off.

"No way. So you've known where Gideon has been all this time?" Morgan asked. Garcia nodded.

"I think he went to talk to Gideon."

()()()()()()()

Spencer walked up the wooden stairs and faced the tall door. He took in a deep breath and then raised his hand to knock. He paused as he looked at his hand, it was shaking. Why was he nervous? He pushed the thought aside and swallowed his fear. He finally knocked on the door three times. He stood there, but not patiently. He couldn't help but notice himself rocking back and forth by the heels of his black converses. He swallowed hard as he heard footsteps approaching the door, and a lump formed in his throat as the door flew open to revel Jason Gideon.

The elder stood in front of him with a shocked expression. But that wasn't all Reid noticed, Gideon had gotten a little shorter since the last time he saw him. He wore a dark grey sweater with jeans, reading glasses rested at the tip of his nose. Reid also couldn't help but notice that Gideon had lost some hair on the top of his head, but grew more on his chin. Jason's mouth dropped slightly once he opened the door. He stared Reid down for a little while before finally speaking.

"Spencer, my god," he gasped. Reid nodded his head with a sad smile.

"Hello, Jason," he said faintly. Reid almost flinched as Gideon walked forward and grabbed his hand and shook it roughly with a huge smile.

"Spencer, how have you been?" he asked. Reid thought through that question pretty hard. He didn't exactly know how he had been. He could've answered with the normal, 'I'm fine.' But he didn't, he was a little quiet. He hadn't been fine, not after his sweet Maeve had died. He just looked at the ground as a response, causing Gideon to release his hand slowly.

"That's sort of why I'm here," he finally spoke up. Gideon looked at him sadly and then finally opened the door wider to let the genius in. Reid examined his surroundings. He had walked into the living room, which mainly had two arm chairs in front of a fire place, a steady fire cracking into the air. He noticed a painting of two robins on the wall.

"I see you got a new cabin," he observed. Jason nodded and led him into the kitchen.

"You like it?" he asked. Reid delivered a sad smile with a nod.

"It's very nice," he said. Gideon sat at the end of his dining table.

"Please, sit," he offered and pointed at the chair from across the table. Reid took his satchel off his shoulder and sat down in the comfortable wooden chair, he laced his fingers together on the table's surface and looked back at the elder.

"Go on, ask me," he said. Gideon, at first cocked his head to the side, but then smiled warmly. There was something different about his old friend; he seemed much kinder, and less stressed.

"Okay then. Why are you here? How did you find me?" he asked. Reid leaned forward in the chair a little bit before responding.

"Garcia and I tracked you down a long time ago. I guess the reason I'm here is-well-I just need some questions answered," he said. Gideon nodded understandingly.

"What do you want to know?" he asked.

"A couple of weeks ago, someone I…loved deeply was murdered by her stalker. When I watched the bullet go through her head, I wondered what I was doing with my life," Reid explained, his voice quivered.

"I'm so sorry, Spencer," Gideon said. Reid nodded. "Did you quit the BAU?" he asked.

"No, I'm not sure if I should. Can I ask you something a little personal?" Reid asked. Gideon rose form his chair and made his way to the kitchen cabinet.

"Sure," he mumbled.

"How did you cope when Sara died?" Reid asked quietly, hoping he wasn't being rude. As Jason reached for a coffee mug, he watched his arm nearly stop at the name of his once loved one. He gripped the mug and set it down. He began to brew some coffee before turning around and answering.

"I was broken, of course. I saw her dead body in my dreams and I just needed to escape. Like I explained in the letter, I left to find the love in the world again. Like when I met Sara. Gosh, that was a good time," Gideon smiled sadly. He turned around to hide his face, but Reid knew well he was brushing away an oncoming tear. He turned back around and did his best to smile. Reid stood up, he was so anxious for no reason he just didn't feel like sitting. He paced the ground slowly and stroked his pencil mustache.

"Do you think I should do that? You know, quit?" he asked. Gideon walked over to him and gripped his shoulders.

"No, Spencer. Don't end up like me. Oh god, please," he begged, shaking Reid's shoulder slightly.

"But why did you? Everyone looked up to you. I looked up to you," Reid said. Gideon sighed and turned around to the coffee machine.

"There's a difference. I'm old; I worked with that job for far too long. I just got sick of it. Spencer, you are so young and smart. The BAU is thankful to have you. You have so much more to live for. Me, it was just my time to leave," he explained seriously.

"…then why didn't you just say goodbye instead of writing it?" Reid asked quietly. He shook as Gideon turned around to stare at him, instantly regretting asking the question.

"I had already made up my mind and I didn't want you guys stopping me. Let's face it; you guys wouldn't have let me leave. I just needed to start over. I'm sorry if I hurt you," Gideon apologized. Reid looked down at his shoes; he didn't know what to say next. Before he could speak up, a soft voice broke the silence.

"Jason, I'm back," the feminine voice said. Reid looked over at Gideon confoundedly, who just smiled.

"I'm in here," he called to the woman. Reid could here footsteps approaching the kitchen and the door opened. A short woman walked in, she had dark gray hair and brown eyes. She wore jeans and a pink top, the stranger looked at Reid and then back at Gideon.

"Rachel, this is an old friend of mine, Spencer. Spencer, this is Rachel, my wife," Jason introduced. He walked over to the woman and put his arm around her. Rachel smiled and waved shyly at Reid, who shyly waved back.

"Nice to meet you," he said faintly.

"We've been married for three years," Gideon filled in while rubbing her shoulder.

"Well I'm not going to bother you men, I have some tomatoes to pick anyways," Rachel said and made her way to the back door. "It was nice meeting you, Spencer."

"You too," Reid said to her before she closed the door. He looked back at Gideon, who was still smiling warmly.

"Isn't she just perfect? She's not much of a people person, though," he said. Reid nodded.

"You never told me you got married," he said. Gideon shrugged.

"Must've slipped my mind," he said. "Would you like to stay for dinner?"

"Sorry, I have to be going soon," Reid said shaking his head. Gideon nodded.

"Did you find the answers you needed?" he asked. Reid thought for a moment, thinking back to the conversation.

"Almost, I'm still not sure whether I should stay in the BAU or not," he said and looked at Gideon, hoping he would say something helpful.

"Why do you think you should quit?" Gideon asked. Reid thought back to Maeve, her lifeless form bathing in her own blood. He quickly looked at the ground, he knew why he wanted to quit but he still didn't want to say it.

"You can tell me," Jason encouraged. Reid took in a deep breath.

"I'm a failure," he said, his voice cracking up. Gideon shook his head.

"No you're-" he tried to deny, but Reid interrupted.

"I am, I couldn't convince her stalker to let her go. I couldn't save her and now she's dead," he said, the sound of his voice increased as he talked fast. He crossed his arms and lowered his head so the elder couldn't see his face. But it was probably obvious he wanted to cry. He took in a quivering breath. "She's dead," he repeated quietly. He felt two arms wrap around him, he didn't move his arms though, he kept them crossed as Gideon hugged him.

"I'm so sorry," he said comfortingly.

"There's something I didn't mention," he finally said. "After Maeve died, I've been…craving again," he said faintly.

"Oh, Spencer," Gideon said.

"What do I do?"

"You don't give up."

"What if I'm not strong enough to go back? What if I do give up?" Reid asked as Jason released him.

"You won't," Jason said.

"How are you so sure?"

"Because you are Dr. Reid, and the Dr. Reid I know doesn't give up." Reid cracked a smile, even though he was still a little mad at Gideon, he still looked up to him.

"I missed you, old man," he said.

"Who are you calling old man?" Gideon asked with a chuckle. Reid's smile grew and he looked at the ground again. "So are you a quitter?"

"No."

"Are you going to go back to work?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to be doing drugs again?"

"Hell no." Gideon smiled and set his hand on Reid's shoulder.

"I'm proud of you," he said. The two looked at each other a little while until the silence grew awkward. Reid looked at the clock and then back at Gideon.

"I think I need to go," he said and walked over to his bag, he slipped it over to his shoulder.

"Now hold on," Gideon said, making Spencer stop what he was doing. "You said you and Garcia have known where I've been all this time?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"If you knew all along, why didn't you come to visit earlier?" the elder asked. Reid pondered.

"I guess I wasn't ready," he said. "I was afraid you would be mad or something." Gideon nodded.

"Well, I hope you found what you were looking for," he said.

"I think I did," Reid said. Gideon led him to the door and opened it for him. Reid stuck his hand out for a handshake. Gideon shook his hand but then pulled him into a quick bear hug, Reid took it by surprise but this time, he hugged him back. Running away changed Gideon, he smiled more often, he had a wife, and he was actually hugging. Maybe running away was a good thing after all. The men released from the hug.

"You can come visit anytime you want," Gideon said. Reid smiled and thanked him. He made his way down the wooden steps and to his car.

()()()()()()()

It was late. Morgan sighed tiredly as he and the team got off the jet from a case. He hated the fact they were still working without Reid. He hoped Reid would come back soon. He walked off the steps to the jet and made his way to Garcia's computer room. He knocked before opening the door. He stopped in his tracks at what he saw once he opened the door. He spotted Garcia laughing along with Reid, who was leaning against the computer table with a cup of coffee in his hand. Garcia spun around in her chair and saw Morgan.

"Hey sexy. Look whose back?" she asked. Reid waved at him.

"Hey, Pretty Boy," Morgan said making his way over to his friend. He reached his arm over and pinched Reid's arm. The genius yelped and then glared at Morgan.

"Owe, what was that for?" he asked. Derek pointed a finger at him.

"That, was for being stupid," he said. Reid chuckled.

"I know, I should've told you guys I was leaving," he admitted and then took a sip of coffee.

"So where did you go?" Morgan asked. Garcia rolled her eyes.

"He won't say. Trust me you won't get it out of him," she said and then looked over at her computers to shut them off.

"Well I hope it was worth it," Morgan said and then he set his hand on Reid's shoulder. "Good to have you back, man." He just then realized that was the first time he had seen Reid in a long time. The last time he saw him was the night Maeve died.

"We better go tell the others you're back before they leave," Garcia said, rising from her chair and grabbing her purse.

"Yeah, you scared everybody," Morgan said as they headed out.

()()()()()()()

Reid walked out of Garcia's office and into the round table room where the others were, packing up their belongings before they left. He opened the door and his heart beat increased as all eyes turned to him.

"Spence," JJ said in shock. She walked over and hugged her friend. Hotch and Rossi both patted his back while Blake just smiled at him.

"Glad you're back," she said. Reid smiled.

"Me too, and I'm staying. I owe everyone an apology, it was stupid to run away like that," he said.

"Just make sure you don't make that mistake again," Hotch said sternly. Reid met his eyes and nodded.

"Yes, sir," he said.

"I don't know about you all but I'm going out for a burger," Morgan announced.

"Oh, make that two," Garcia said with a laugh.

"I can grab some food," JJ raised her hand. Hotch, Rossi, and Blake looked at each other and then shrugged and smiled.

"Then let's go. What about you, Pretty Boy?" Morgan asked. Reid smiled as he looked at everybody, why did he even think about leaving?


End file.
